A little story about knowing better and making mistakes anyway
Some Things Worth Sharing #1
When I was in my 30’s, I stumbled across The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.
Inside was a prose poem that I loved so much, that I still think about it a few decades later.
I’m sharing it here because maybe it’ll resonate in the same way for you too.
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
by Portia Nelson
Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
My note to you:
Here’s what surprised me the first time I read this:
That there was a Chapter Five.
I thought the breakthrough was Chapter Four… when you finally walk around the hole.
But then comes Chapter Five.
You walk down a different street.
And that… surprised me.
Because it never occurred to me that you could just… not do the same thing at all.
This feels especially relevant in the land of toxic relationships. Or soul-sucking jobs.
We think:
“Well, I’ll just learn how to set better boundaries with this emotionally avoidant guy.”
“I’ll stay in this job but manage my stress better and bring my calming tea.”
“I’ll keep my same life, but I’ll meditate more.”
And sometimes? Yes. That works.
But sometimes, Chapter Five is needed.
Another street.
Another choice.
Another self you haven't tried being yet.
So now I’m wondering…
What’s your Chapter Five?
If this stirred something in you, share below and tell me what. I read every note.
I choose a different destination altogether.
I kept falling in the hole, and even when I managed to walk around it, I could hear it calling me back - sucking me to it like a giant vacuum cleaner. I needed to go to an entirely different place far enough way that it no longer had power over me. I needed to leave a lot of old toxic stuff behind. As a 71-year-old disabled senior, the process of letting go of most of my old life and getting the small amount of things I chose to bring to another state across the country was maybe the most difficult thing I have ever done. But here I am. I still have problems, and moving did not solve them. Moving did not fix my life. Sometimes I feel the call of that damn hole. But it is far away now, and I have new places to go. I look out the window at a beautiful river and wild flowers and geese and squirrels instead of an ugly 15 ft prickly pear cactus and rocky desert ground. Every morning I open my curtains and there it is - my beautiful river. And about once a week, I get to see my family. I have more hope - and there is a tremendous amount to be said for hope!